badphairy's leery lair

Suck it up, Buttercup

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November 2019

On interracial “allyship”

 The problem I have with white “allyship” is that to us it means cooperation and to them it means we obey them. “I won’t join you until you meet my demands” isn’t “being an ally” it’s being a presumptuous person who thinks they have power -over- not power in struggle -with-.We can only make change in the ways, using the methods white people “allow us”. Like nonviolence, and protesting in fenced-off areas nowhere near the actual event. This is their idea of “freedom” for us, which is sort of like saying your dog is free to come and go as he pleases, except you’ve made sure he can’t operate the doorknob. If he does manage to get out, then he’s in the wrong for “escaping”. And then you have to call the patterollers to round him up, cage him until you can pick him up. Huh, what does that remind me of?

It’s the recent experience of white gun enthusiasts penising all over a group -I was personally invited to no less-, but if I mention that being armed while white is different from being armed while black, and that white people should take that reality into account before they blithely tell black people to arm themselves, that’s me “flaming white people”.

You know what’s flaming black people in multiple ways in any given moment? White people’s fragility. You know who generally doesn’t take responsibility for their fragility?

*stares Maxinely at screen*

Unpopular Opinion: Parenting is not optional if your original contribution was sperm.

I don’t get it. A friend is talking about how 75% of raising her kid is her job because her hubs has to work. This is a woman with a full-time job.

I have a different friend who does 99% of raising her two children, because her husband brings home his paycheck, handles the kids’ passwords and game purchases and that’s pretty much all he does.

Why do guys STILL think that “I pay for stuff” is the be-all end-all of their husband and father “job”, and everything else is the province of ”the little woman”.

I may have critiques of the heterosexual-with-kids relationship I see every day, but dear God at least the male in that situation knows his kids names, feeds them at least once a day, and does homework and plays with them. It’s almost like parenting doesn’t end at the bank.