CW: foul language, mention of rape, y’know, faethe
OK, making a pork.
Onion, cumin, lemon juice, olive oil, lots of oregano, dash of vinegar, lots of garlic raw or otherwise, some of the little tinfoil packet things called Sazon Criolla,
Get big fucking bag – like a 2 gallon ziplock. Put a lot of olive oil, some lemon juice, some vinegar, too much garlic, lots of oregano and all the other s**t. Make it like 1/8th or 1/4 full of that mix.
Get a pork shoulder. Not that butt end roast shit – that is hopeless. The shoulder part with the skin really thick on top with a big bone in the middle. Stab it like it raped your sister all over, through the skin, all over.
Put the pork in the bag. You can leave it out (this is dangerous as f**k actually) for a few hours until the pork warms up to room temperature. Like 6 hours.
Then put the pork on a roasting pan. Like the one that comes with the oven? The stuff in the bag should be slimy and kind of thick. Pour that over the pork. OK. You want the pork exposed on all sides, like not in a roasting pan – you want it on a broiling pan.
Crank that fucking oven up to broil. Broil that fucker at 500f for 45 minutes like 4 inches under the broiler. Then turn the heat down to like 225f for like two hours. It takes a long time, maybe longer than that.
Take the temperature. When it gets to 140f in the middle take it out. Wrap it in aluminum foil so it will heat up a little bit more inside. Leave it alone for 20 minutes.
When you are done, the top part with the fat will be like Chichoroni (this is what it is in Cuban) – crispy and juicy. It will be kind of dark but that is good. The meat will be perfect.
Through the week you cut pieces off it and fry it in olive oil. You make a mojito (which is not fucking sweet some really nasty fucker came up with that) which is just like the marinade but with onions,
parsley, lemon juice, little bit of vinegar, lots and lots of garlic salt and pepper and olive oil. You chop all that shit and mix it – do NOT cook it. More onions the better.
You fry the roast pork in some olive oil, serve it over black beans and rice with the mojo. Repeat as often as you want. We eat this for breakfast sometimes. It will last you all week.
Cubans sometimes called that Moriscos de puerco (prok chunks). I have no idea what the fuck Pinoy call it. Dead pig, probably.